Putin
is sitting in his office when his telephone rings "Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a
heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in
County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war on ya!"
"Well,
Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your
army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is
meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire
darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Putin paused. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my
command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring ya back.
Sure
enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Putin, the war is still
on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what
equipment would that be Paddy?" Putin asks. "Well, we have two combines,
a bulldozer, and Marphy's farm tractor." Putin sighs amused. "I must
tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel
carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke"
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to ya."
Sure
enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Putin, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and
four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well." Putin was
silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you,
Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases
are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since
we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and
Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring ya back."
Sure
enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Putin!
I am sorry to inform ya that we have had to call off the war." "Really?
I am sorry to hear that," says Putin. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness
and finally decided there's no way we can feed 200,000 Russian
prisoners."