The
Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their
squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they
concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they
should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At
the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the
baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the
baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked
the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice
as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The
Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of
God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them
free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back
when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The
Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of
whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with
alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk
squirrels can do.
But
the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They
baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they
only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not
much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel
and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
-Anonymous