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PARIS (The Borowitz Report)—The much-anticipated reopening of Notre-Dame Cathedral on Saturday was ruined by the appearance of the Antichrist, observers said.
Beelzebub, who had traveled from Palm Beach, was heard loudly complaining that he had come “all the way to Notre Dame and there was no football game.”
He later disrupted the ceremony by loudly hawking a shipment of $60 Bibles he had just received from China.
French president Emmanuel Macron apologized to the world for inviting the Archfiend, but added, “At least he didn’t bring Elon.”