NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—On Monday a spokesman for ABC News apologized for what he called “an unfortunate incident of freedom of the press.” “Earlier this year, an employee exercised a right that is enshrined in the First Amendment of the Constitution,” the spokesman said. “We have spoken to him, and he won’t do it again.” Doubling down on ABC’s apology, the spokesman said, “Our employee deeply regrets speaking ill of someone who calls other people ‘vermin.’” ABC executives reportedly flew to Mar-a-Lago to grovel, but had to wait in line behind Joe and Mika. |