ATLANTIC OCEAN (The Borowitz Report)—In what is being described as a holiday cruise gone horribly awry, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife Ginni were lost at sea on Monday after Elon Musk’s self-driving superyacht slammed into an iceberg. The Thomases had reportedly been excited about their voyage on the Tesla founder’s craft, one of the few luxury vessels owned by Republican megadonors that they had never boarded. Moments before the collision, a security camera captured Justice Thomas standing astride the ship’s bow with his arms out, gleefully declaring, “I’m king of the world!” Musk, who was not on board when the self-driving ship ran into trouble, said he was “saddened” by the Thomases’ nautical mishap, telling reporters, “I should have invited Alito. His wife has a collection of SOS flags.” Now More Than Ever: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.© 2024 Andy Borowitz |