DERBY LINE, VERMONT (The Borowitz Report)—In unprecedented numbers, Americans planning travel to Europe are enrolling in a crash course to learn Canadian accents, a Canadian accent instructor revealed on Tuesday. Harland Dorrinson, who operates Canadafication Coaching Services on the US-Canada border, said he has been turning away thousands of people who are desperate to sound Canadian in Europe. “I’m only accepting clients who are willing to put in the work,” he said. “If you think you can speak Canadian just by ending every sentence with ‘eh,’ you’re wasting my time and yours.” Dorrinson also trains his clients to appear “culturally Canadian,” which, he warns, “involves more than pretending to enjoy hockey.” “I force my clients to watch hours and hours of curling,” he said. “No pain, no gain, eh?” TBR Question of the Day: If you could move anywhere right now, where would you go? Leave your comment below:Now More Than Ever: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.© 2025 Andy Borowitz |