WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a rare public statement, Clarence Thomas warned on Thursday that the whipsawing stock market could force billionaires who have hosted him and Samuel Alito on luxury cruises to sell their yachts. “I usually bite my tongue, but the threat to these cruises impels me to speak out,” he said. “There’s a human cost here the public needs to know about.” Thomas reported that Alito’s wife is “in a state of panic” about losing her superyacht vacations, adding, “She’s been flying their flag upside down all week.” As for his own wife, Thomas said, “Ginni is mad as hell, and you don’t want to make Ginni mad. She’s already tried to overthrow one government.” TBR Question of the Day: Where would you like to see Clarence and Ginni take a vacation?WATCH: The Fall of TrumpStock up on popcorn before popcorn becomes unaffordable.Now More Than Ever: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.© 2025 Andy Borowitz |