MOGADISHU (The Borowitz Report)—A new poll released on Thursday reveals that a broad majority of Somalis have “no interest” in immigrating to a country led by what they termed a “shithole president.” Though 78 percent of Somalis called current conditions in the US “just too violent,” the nation’s so-called shithole president drew their harshest criticism. In the words of one Somali, “When I travel abroad from Somalia, I’m not embarrassed when people ask me where I’m from.” Another remarked, “In Somalia, they would never let an alcoholic run the armed services.” Yet another said, “Look, Somalia isn’t perfect, but at least we have a leader who can stay awake.” As corporate media bend their knee to our deranged wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you. © 2025 Andy Borowitz |