WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a “serious breach of the Department of Justice’s code of conduct,” on Thursday Attorney General Pam Bondi announced that she had terminated a career DOJ employee who was caught with a copy of the U.S. Constitution on his desk. Bondi said that the employee, who had worked at the department for 37 years, had “raised suspicions” by using “telltale phrases like ‘due process’” in DOJ memos. At Bondi’s direction, US marshals ransacked his office, discovered the offending document, and frog-marched him out of the building. Bondi took the opportunity to remind all DOJ staffers that the U.S. Constitution is on the Republican Party’s banned reading list. WATCH: Video Reveals Trump’s Sexual Misconduct with ChildrenNow More Than Ever: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.© 2026 Andy Borowitz |