TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—In a surprise attack that has rattled the White House, on Saturday morning the Iranian Air Force dropped unreacted copies of the Epstein files on the U.S. Iran’s Supreme Leader said that its aircraft dropped the files over most major media outlets in the U.S. but skipped CBS and CNN. “Like Bari Weiss is going to run with this story?” he scoffed. “Good one.” The Ayatollah added that Iran had not bothered to drop the files over the U.S. Capitol, stating, “We have seen no evidence that Congress still exists.” The Borowitz Report is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. © 2026 Andy Borowitz |