KYIV (The Borowitz Report)—Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy offered on Tuesday to temp as US president while Donald J. Trump undergoes a full psychiatric evaluation. “For the past few years, I’ve dealt with one catastrophe after another in Ukraine,” Zelenskyy told reporters. “This has uniquely prepared me for the current conditions on the ground in the United States.” He called Trump’s wildly contradictory statements about the war in Iran “nothing more or less than a cry for help.” Asked whether Trump was “playing with a full deck,” Zelenskyy said, “He has no cards.” |