TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—In its first act of goodwill since the declaration of a ceasefire, on Wednesday Iran permitted a container ship loaded with copies of the Epstein files to pass through the Strait of Hormuz. “In recent weeks, the closure of the Strait has cut off the world’s supply of Epstein files,” an Iranian government statement read. “Now, those files will flow freely to the four corners of the globe.” Although Iran is charging vessels millions for safe passage through the Strait, “We are sending the Epstein files through free of charge,” the statement indicated. The Iranians said they had taken Donald J. Trump's threat to destroy their civilization “very seriously,” noting, "We see what he's already done to American civilization." How Trump Lost the WarTBR Exclusive: How did Donald J. Trump attack a vastly smaller country and still manage to lose? An updated version of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War features insights from the most unusual military tactician in human history. Sample his wisdom here.…and finally…On a week like this, you deserve a dose of Mousse!© 2026 Andy Borowitz |