WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s claim that a peace deal with Iran was imminent suffered a stunning rebuke on Thursday when a flotilla of warships from the Iranian navy blockaded The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. In a brutal humiliation of Trump, the Iranians choked off access to the newly renovated pool and began charging tourists to look at it. At the Pentagon, a visibly rattled Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth attempted to downplay Iran’s stunning maneuver by claiming that its navy posed “no threat” to other DC landmarks. “If the Iranians think they can demolish the White House, they’re in for a nasty surprise,” he told reporters. “President Trump has already done that.” The Borowitz Report publishes thanks to the support of readers like you. © 2026 Andy Borowitz |