WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Demonstrating his seriousness about declaring war on Canada, on Wednesday Donald J. Trump obtained a medical note from his new podiatrist exempting him from military service. The podiatrist, Dr. Mehmet Oz, indicated in the note that a “Vietnam War-era issue involving bone spurs” would prevent Trump from participating in an invasion of America’s northern neighbor. “President Trump’s bone spurs would become dangerously inflamed if exposed to Canada’s frozen tundra,” Oz wrote. “If he decides to put boots on the ground, his feet should not be in those boots.” |